I observed parents generally take their child to another room when somebody leaves the house. If a father goes to the office or a friend goes back to his house after a playdate or the grandparents are going somewhere, the mother wants to go out for the office then the other person will take the baby or a child to another room so that the child will not cry. Also, parents leave their child in a daycare or preschool and escape without saying goodbye to the child.
Many parents think this is the correct way to manage the situation. But they are wrong.
By doing this parents are developing uncertainty in the child’s brain. Instead, ask your child to say bye to the person who is leaving. Initially, he will cry for a few seconds, but slowly he will learn and accept the fact.
This way you are developing trust between you and your child.
How to prepare a child to say bye?
1. Go to your child’s eye level and tell him where are you going and when you will be back. E.g.”I am going to the office for my work and I will be back after your snack time.”
2. During story time and playtime practice bye- Play is a work of a child. A child learns a maximum number of things through play. So, when you conclude a story ask your child to say bye to the story characters. While tidying up you can ask your child to say bye to the toys. Before leaving the playpark you can ask your child to say bye. Etc.
3. Do not give false promises- Tell your child when you will be back. E.g If you are going to be away for a long time don’t tell a child that you will be back in a couple of minutes. This way unknowingly you are teaching your child “it’s okay to lie.”
So, let your child say bye when you are going out. When you come back hug him, kiss him, and talk about your day.
Happy Parenting!!
Rhuta Bhide
Child counselor and Parent coach